the truth

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This past summer has been very strange for me. I’ve been trying to reassess what is important and what I want out of life. It’s not very easy. I’m easily distracted by everyday worries. I’m a big worrier. But something about having life settled in most respects has left other avenues more open. I’ve been trying to figure it all out: who I am, who I want to be, all those monstrous life questions.

Somewhere in that process, this blog has fallen to the side in a way. It’s not that I don’t still love it, because I absolutely do. Really, it is so much a part of me that all these unanswered questions about myself sort of lead to unanswered questions about what goes on the blog. I haven’t been interested in taking photos or cooking things. I’ve been creating things for sure but sometimes feel like they are not exciting enough to share. More than that, I’ve just been thinking a lot and these little projects don’t always get at what’s in my head at all and then, unintentionally, I feel sort of like I’m misrepresenting myself, even though that’s not really it either.

Part of me wants to get more to the point, be more open, but then things get a little too journally. Maybe that’s not a bad thing. The other part of the equation is that I’m really bad at communicating in real life. I’ve probably said this before. The great thing about blogging is that it is a pretty good way for me to bridge the gap between the world and myself. I feel comfortable behind my screen putting things out there and I’ve definitely built friendships from blogging. The bad thing, is that it’s pretty good for me to put thing out there on the web, but maybe not as great for connecting to people in real life. It lets me off the hook a little bit because I get to say how I feel, sort of, to no one in particular. It’s more abstract. It’s not confiding exactly. It’s impersonal. I really want to make an effort to connect with people I care about in a meaningful way as well as work on my own issues with introversion, and blogging lets me avoid doing this.

So I’m not really sure where things will go from here. Nothing is ending, or drastically changing, perhaps just evolving a little. I hope maybe to foster a little more dialogue here about things which probably means more words. I’ll still be making things because I love to make things and there will still be lots of cat photos because I’m still obsessed with them. Probably you won’t even notice a difference, but something is brewing.