Ponderings on perfection

Dear friends, we’re in the home stretch for the wedding. Only 5 weeks remain until the big day. With everything so close upon us, I’ve become a bit introspective on the whole thing. So friends, settle in for maybe a bit more reading than usual in this post, but surely on topics beyond just a wedding.

Between Shawn and I, we know how to do a lot of things. We’re makers, so to speak. He knows tons about photography. I know about sewing and crafting and baking. We’re both planners. We know what it takes to get something done. So when entering the world of wedding planning, this knowledge, for me in particular, has often been something I’ve had to reconcile with, rather than being helpful.

How do you choose a photographer when you yourself take better photos than most of the “professionals” out there? How do you order a wedding cake when you bake a better vegan cake than you could buy? It’s tricky these questions, because obviously you can’t do everything.

Personally, I like to do things myself. I take issue with paying for something I’m capable of, unless I know someone will do it better than I will. Even more than that, I have a hard time letting others do things for me, even if I’m not paying, for fear it won’t be exactly what I want. Face it, I’m a little bit of a control freak. It is the downfall of knowing how to do things. You expect perfection.


The wedding process has been a lot about letting go for me. Letting go of control. It’s not easy. It’s against my personality. I think this is what happens with big life events though and I really feel it’s for the better. That’s not to say it hasn’t been a struggle.

It’s also, in my mind, been about merging my wishes and desires with Shawn’s. Even being in a committed relationship, two people are still somewhat separate in decision making. There is this strange place where you are not compromising on things but actually agreeing, and it’s odd but wonderful. This is the first task where we’ve had to really agree on everything.  I think we had a similar experience when making Brainwashed Love, but our differences worked to keep the movie on course.

I think if I designed the whole affair, it would be some sort of small soiree in the woods. (You should see this wedding, which I’m sure is the most fantastic wedding I’ve ever seen.) Instead our wedding is indoors, and will be fairly large (by my standards anyway). I’m happy about this too. Our secret location is really the coolest and I’m excited that we’ll get to celebrate with so many people that love us. I’m glad we’ll be bringing our families together from across the country.


Most of these thoughts have come up for me since I now have my finished dress. The truth is, that there are a few little things that bother me about it. I can’t quite figure out if I’m just being obsessive or if it is a real flaw. Am I aiming for perfection when it’s just a dress? Is it something I can fix or should I just leave it alone?

There is still so much to do and I have a number of tasks that I’m responsible for, but I’m leaving a few major things in the hands of others. I’m trying to let things happen how they will. I haven’t thought about flowers or decorations or much of that sort of thing at all, nor will I unless someone asks me. I’m hoping all the things I’m not taking care of work out, as they should, without me managing every detail. And say they shouldn’t, I’m trying to prepare myself to be ok with this.

I’m not trying to ignore the details or not worry about the whole event, instead I’m just trying to face the reality of it all.

*a note about the photos. these are from a trip shawn and i took to pennsylvania in 2008. they make me happy as the woods do. they are a reminder of calmness for me. and the owl’s name is morris.

9 Responses to “Ponderings on perfection”
  1. Brittany says:

    let go. your wedding day isn’t about perfection, you know it’s more than that:)

    • miss alix says:

      oh i definitely know that. i think it’s a bigger issue, of letting go in life, this just being a prime example.

  2. Rebecca says:

    So Black Swan… Xoxo

  3. Sara says:

    You know, Alix, I really feel for you because I think we have similar personalities. One of the hardest things for me was the photography aspect- because I felt I wanted those amazing photographs you see in wedding magazines, but to pay 3k for a photographer who I didn’t even feel was as good as I was, or some of my awesome photographer friends – was down right upsetting. I decided to use that money to buy upgraded equipment that I could keep. We passed my camera around and I had to trust everyone that what photos I did get would turn out okay. I’m so happy I did.

    Letting go is probably the hardest thing for people like us, but if anything can make your wedding day perfect, that’s it.

  4. anna says:

    hang in there! i’m sure this is all so overwhelming, but somehow i know it’s going to turn out beautifully & i can’t wait to see photos of it!

  5. Sharon says:

    I think the most important thing to remember is that it should be as fun and memorable for you as it will be for your guests. You can only plan so much and then you gotta just let go and let the thing take on a life of it’s own. I know it sounds trite, but don’t sweat the little things. Even if they aren’t perfect… sometimes a little bit of imperfection is what makes something, well, just perfect!

  6. kim g. says:

    I totally relate with all this, and you’re right – it is just part of living life and learning to let go when you’re a perfectionist. There’s so much pressure for everything to be absolutely perfect on your wedding day especially, but the sooner you make peace with the fact that things will go wrong (maybe little things and maybe big things), the more you can enjoy the process.

    For our wedding I just kept reminding myself that the whole thing was about actually getting married and then getting to celebrate with everyone that we love. There were plenty of little details that weren’t exactly how I wanted them to be, but when I look back I don’t really remember those things. I just remember how much fun we had with everyone.

    Now on a more serious note – I love morris.

Check out what others are saying...
  1. […] (URL). TweetGenerally speaking, I try to keep this blog on a positive note (there are of course exceptions on occasion). This week I have reached my peak in frustration though. It’s a culmination of […]

Leave A Comment