the truth
This past summer has been very strange for me. I’ve been trying to reassess what is important and what I want out of life. It’s not very easy. I’m easily distracted by everyday worries. I’m a big worrier. But something about having life settled in most respects has left other avenues more open. I’ve been trying to figure it all out: who I am, who I want to be, all those monstrous life questions.
Somewhere in that process, this blog has fallen to the side in a way. It’s not that I don’t still love it, because I absolutely do. Really, it is so much a part of me that all these unanswered questions about myself sort of lead to unanswered questions about what goes on the blog. I haven’t been interested in taking photos or cooking things. I’ve been creating things for sure but sometimes feel like they are not exciting enough to share. More than that, I’ve just been thinking a lot and these little projects don’t always get at what’s in my head at all and then, unintentionally, I feel sort of like I’m misrepresenting myself, even though that’s not really it either.
Part of me wants to get more to the point, be more open, but then things get a little too journally. Maybe that’s not a bad thing. The other part of the equation is that I’m really bad at communicating in real life. I’ve probably said this before. The great thing about blogging is that it is a pretty good way for me to bridge the gap between the world and myself. I feel comfortable behind my screen putting things out there and I’ve definitely built friendships from blogging. The bad thing, is that it’s pretty good for me to put thing out there on the web, but maybe not as great for connecting to people in real life. It lets me off the hook a little bit because I get to say how I feel, sort of, to no one in particular. It’s more abstract. It’s not confiding exactly. It’s impersonal. I really want to make an effort to connect with people I care about in a meaningful way as well as work on my own issues with introversion, and blogging lets me avoid doing this.
So I’m not really sure where things will go from here. Nothing is ending, or drastically changing, perhaps just evolving a little. I hope maybe to foster a little more dialogue here about things which probably means more words. I’ll still be making things because I love to make things and there will still be lots of cat photos because I’m still obsessed with them. Probably you won’t even notice a difference, but something is brewing.
I can defeintely relate to this post so much. I have noticed that I give my online friends more of my time and energy and my real life friends. I should probably change that. Lol I wish you the best of luck of finding your ultimate happiness in every aspect of life! 🙂
I have been feeling similar. It’s a hard balance for us introverts, but I also agree it has helped get me out of my shell and not WORRY so much about what people think, or our own judgements for that matter. But on the flip side, the blog has held me accountable, being able to read back and hear my voice speaking TO ME is a very effective process. For me, it’s a great TOOL to use and sharpen and create with, but I am sure there is a huge part of your life that does not get BLOGGED. . ? Honestly, from across the country, your words and projects have inspired, and that’s kind of a beautiful thing. I hope you strengthen your REAL LIFE relationships as well, but it’s real great to have a bit of you here too. xo 🙂
Sara
I know this won’t mean anything because you have no idea who I am, but I whittled down my blog roll from over 200 to about 15, and yours made the cut 🙂
I only kept blogs that made me feel happy after reading them- and had real substance. I only kept blogs by people that I think I could be “real” friends with. I love your blog because you always having something different to present and I share your passion for movies and vegan food (though I am not disciplined enough to be a vegan myself). You have such a unique voice and perspective and your honesty is refreshing.
Of course, I would totally understand if you ever decided to stop sharing in this space too 🙂
I am 29 and often a very worried and introspective person, questioning my current life path sometimes – I like knowing I’m not the only one 🙂
Caitlin, it absolutely means something to me even though we don’t know each other exactly. I’m so glad to hear I’ve been able to connect to you and now that you’ve introduced yourself I will know who you are. I’m certainly not going to stop sharing, it’s more just finding a balance of what I want to share.
We’re a lot alike on these issues! I even feel guilty with blogging if I’m not sharing something along with the slew of photos I’m posting. I’m pretty bad at communicating in person and it kind of carries through to the online version of me, too! I’m not sure when that happened, since I used to be pretty okay with it in the ole’ livejournal days 😉 Maybe it’s when I feel like I’m on a public platform and depend on comments to validate the worth of the post. Sometimes I think about turning off the comments but then… maybe I would lose the small readership that I have? Who knows, but I appreciate you sharing these thoughts. I’ll be here next time to see what you’re up to 🙂
there must be something in the water, because I could have written exactly what you wrote here. hugs.
love you <3
I’ve passed by the same problem. And I decided for renew my blog. It totally worked. My decision was kind of the opposite of what you seems to want: I get more ‘closed’. No tremendously closed, just a little bit more. I used to write really personal blog posts, and now I decided just to share some parts of my days and life – parts that won’t cause any stress or problems on ‘real’ life.
I think that would be good for you to share more than things that you do – but what you think about things or something like that. I know that you said you have ‘connecting’ problems, but I guess this would be very good, in all aspects.
But that’s just me trying to be helpful. Think, think and think and, then, decide what would be better for you. And keep it in mind!
xoxo
I love when things are brewing with you, Miss Alix! You’re a thoughtful, creative, lovely person and I’m happy we know each other in real life. Your blog keeps me in the loop about what you’re up to even though we don’t see each other often.
xoxo