winter passing
I was mourning our lack of winter, I love the cool weather and change of seasons, but I went outside today and was smitten with the beautiful weather. I wouldn’t say that it’s spring, and I’m still holding out for some more rain and whatnot, but it was nice to open the windows and let our apartment breath.
It is apparently mercury retrograde, which everyone seems to be complaining about, but I was reading that while the there are problems with technology, it’s a great time for creativity. I’ve been thinking lately about how I want to express my creativity. Often times I feel like I have my hands in so many different pots and I wish I could just focus in on one thing. I have been wanting to paint lately, something I haven’t done in years now. Do I really need another outlet? I find that I generally work better at one thing when I can switch between focuses but, it would be nice to be a little more expert at one thing, rather than dabbling in so many.
Which brings me to another thought, one maybe for another blog post, but when thinking about all my different projects, I can’t help but think about how many paths I’ve left behind, how many times I’ve changed course. Maybe I’m starting to get to an age where I feel like I need to have clearly accomplished something, clearly be on a road to somewhere. Sometimes I think I am, other times I surely don’t. I try to reassure myself that this is something a lot of people probably go through (do you? speak up!).
After seeing physicist Clifford Johnson speak the other day, I couldn’t stop thinking how I wish I had stuck with science rather than going to art school. I guess it’s never too late for major life changes but it does make everything seem so distant. One of the reasons I moved away from biology when I was younger was the amount of time I would have had to spend in school. I really need to just figure out what I’m doing in general.
Ok, enough of all this esoteric life pondering. For the moment anyway. Off to make appetizers for Oscar watching, which will of course be on the blog later this week.
Hi Alix – I can definitely relate to this post. 🙂 I’m 33, and I’m still trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m a dabbler too, because there are so many things I’m interested in and want to learn how to do. I’m now starting to see some of those varied interests (many art related) start to intersect, and it’s exciting. I figure it’ll all come together at some point. I enjoyed reading this post. Your pictures are lovely. – Tricia
I think the wanting to learn new things is definitely a huge part of it. I see connections between my interests, which I enjoy, but would like to clarify I guess.
I do have moments like this. Sometimes I think, “I’m good at this, this, and this, but could I say I’m an EXPERT at any of them? Or at anything, really? And does it matter?” I definitely wonder what my life would have been like had I taken a different path after getting my BA or had I said yes to one thing and no to another rather than vice versa. And sometimes I just wonder what the heck my life is about in general. You’re not the only one pondering these esoteric thoughts.
Oscars commercial break is over, so back to the telecast I go!
TOTALLY relate to this! There is the immense amount of pressure to start accomplishing things. Like a quarter life crisis or something. From what I hear that is kind of why your 20’s suck. I hear many people find there 30’s to be the best time in life, simply because you start to feel accomplished but still feel like a spring chicken. We shall see.
Boy do I feel that pressure. I’m 30, and when I look back on the last decade, I wonder what the heck I’ve done with myself, and what I’d have done differently had I known. But some things seem to be sifting into place, and I’m holding on to the promise of 30. It already feels like a more stable foundation to start really getting stuff done.
Seriously, where have the past 10 years gone? I can think of little highlights, but what have I really done with myself? I guess it doesn’t help to look back and second guess yourself but it’s hard sometimes.
I can definitely relate to this post – I got a graduate degree and then moved home to my small town and can’t find a job getting paid for these skills and it’s been a real wake up call. I do want to be on the path to something, but have no idea if I should just get another traditional job or try to have my own business. Outside of my career anxiety, I realize I feel so much better when I am creating something (anything – even just cupcakes for a friend’s party or jewelry for a gift) so I’m trying to just give myself enough room to do that because it makes me happy.
And to all those who posted about the last few years not being put to good enough use – I want to say I no longer believe it matters . . . I had a strict plan- I went to undergrad, then busted my butt to get a masters degree, I’ve had several internships and I’ve volunteered to make connections. I am so happy I did, but it did not take me where I thought it would and it’s been a real struggle to my ego. I now believe the only way for me to be happy is to NOT try so hard LOL.
Alix I think you are so fabulous and talented and I know you’ll be just fine 🙂
Caitlin wins the award for nicest most optimistic comment. Also made me think about all the trying I’ve been doing. There has been a lot of it. It’s just not totally paid off yet so it doesn’t feel like I’ve tried hard enough. Maybe I’m just thinking about it all wrong.
Most of my creative endeavors are just to make myself feel good, not to turn into a career or anything which is important to keep in mind. It’s ok to dabble wherever as long as it makes you happy.