It feels like as you get older the things you must be responsible for multiplies. There are things things that have to be done, bills to be paid, errands to be run. Little things that have to be done, big daunting things that have to be taken care of. But beyond that, there’s things you choose to be responsible for, things beyond yourself.
A long time ago, I remember coming home from school, I was probably thirteen years old, and our dog didn’t come running for the door like usual. I went out to the back yard to look for her and found my Jack Russell and my cat circled around an injured crow. They weren’t trying to kill it, just sort of taunting the thing. I chased them off, snatched up the crow in a towel and with no one there to help me, I just started running. I was already crying at this point, clutching this bird to my chest. I ran to the nearest vet, then to a pet store, neither of which would help me, this little girl with a bird. I didn’t even know what was wrong with the bird, just that it couldn’t fly away so there must be something. With no other options, I trudged home, and put the crow in a gated part of the yard where at least the dog and cat couldn’t get to it. And that was it. That was all I could do. Later I went to check on the crow and it was gone, well enough to fly off somehow. So many times after that I would go in the backyard and hear a chorus of cawing, and would always think that the crows recognized me and were glad I could help. A childish thought, but maybe not so off target as it is now known crows recognize faces and remember those who have done them wrong or helped them.
It’s hard now, as an adult, choosing how much responsibility to take on personally. Finding homes for the kittens was indeed an ordeal, one that I’m really glad I took on. I find myself wanting to do more but not entirely sure how. How much can one person do? I guess you can just do your best.