Responsibility
It feels like as you get older the things you must be responsible for multiplies. There are things things that have to be done, bills to be paid, errands to be run. Little things that have to be done, big daunting things that have to be taken care of. But beyond that, there’s things you choose to be responsible for, things beyond yourself.
A long time ago, I remember coming home from school, I was probably thirteen years old, and our dog didn’t come running for the door like usual. I went out to the back yard to look for her and found my Jack Russell and my cat circled around an injured crow. They weren’t trying to kill it, just sort of taunting the thing. I chased them off, snatched up the crow in a towel and with no one there to help me, I just started running. I was already crying at this point, clutching this bird to my chest. I ran to the nearest vet, then to a pet store, neither of which would help me, this little girl with a bird. I didn’t even know what was wrong with the bird, just that it couldn’t fly away so there must be something. With no other options, I trudged home, and put the crow in a gated part of the yard where at least the dog and cat couldn’t get to it. And that was it. That was all I could do. Later I went to check on the crow and it was gone, well enough to fly off somehow. So many times after that I would go in the backyard and hear a chorus of cawing, and would always think that the crows recognized me and were glad I could help. A childish thought, but maybe not so off target as it is now known crows recognize faces and remember those who have done them wrong or helped them.
It’s hard now, as an adult, choosing how much responsibility to take on personally. Finding homes for the kittens was indeed an ordeal, one that I’m really glad I took on. I find myself wanting to do more but not entirely sure how. How much can one person do? I guess you can just do your best.
the truth
This past summer has been very strange for me. I’ve been trying to reassess what is important and what I want out of life. It’s not very easy. I’m easily distracted by everyday worries. I’m a big worrier. But something about having life settled in most respects has left other avenues more open. I’ve been trying to figure it all out: who I am, who I want to be, all those monstrous life questions.
Somewhere in that process, this blog has fallen to the side in a way. It’s not that I don’t still love it, because I absolutely do. Really, it is so much a part of me that all these unanswered questions about myself sort of lead to unanswered questions about what goes on the blog. I haven’t been interested in taking photos or cooking things. I’ve been creating things for sure but sometimes feel like they are not exciting enough to share. More than that, I’ve just been thinking a lot and these little projects don’t always get at what’s in my head at all and then, unintentionally, I feel sort of like I’m misrepresenting myself, even though that’s not really it either.
Part of me wants to get more to the point, be more open, but then things get a little too journally. Maybe that’s not a bad thing. The other part of the equation is that I’m really bad at communicating in real life. I’ve probably said this before. The great thing about blogging is that it is a pretty good way for me to bridge the gap between the world and myself. I feel comfortable behind my screen putting things out there and I’ve definitely built friendships from blogging. The bad thing, is that it’s pretty good for me to put thing out there on the web, but maybe not as great for connecting to people in real life. It lets me off the hook a little bit because I get to say how I feel, sort of, to no one in particular. It’s more abstract. It’s not confiding exactly. It’s impersonal. I really want to make an effort to connect with people I care about in a meaningful way as well as work on my own issues with introversion, and blogging lets me avoid doing this.
So I’m not really sure where things will go from here. Nothing is ending, or drastically changing, perhaps just evolving a little. I hope maybe to foster a little more dialogue here about things which probably means more words. I’ll still be making things because I love to make things and there will still be lots of cat photos because I’m still obsessed with them. Probably you won’t even notice a difference, but something is brewing.
Take Backs
TAKE BACKS from Shawn Bannon on Vimeo.
I debated whether or not to post TAKE BACKS here, mainly because it’s a little more controversial and violent than what usually goes up on Cute and Delicious. Also, maybe you guys are sick of Fantastic Fest bumpers. In the end though, I’m really proud to have been a part of this video and hope you’ll watch it. It is directed by Shawn and written by the infamous FILM CRIT HULK. It features Noah Segan, Suki-Rose Etter and myself (with appearances by Kyle Bannon and Scott Green). I hope you’ll watch it despite my disclaimer.
Exciting news though, Doctor Meow received enough votes to be a semifinalist. That means DOCTOR MEOW will be playing at the Fantastic Fest awards ceremony! We’re so very excited and most certainly couldn’t have done it without your votes. Thank you!
p.s. What do you think of my new look? (Ok, it’s not really my new look but I sort of wish it was.)
the chair
This story starts with a chair, a chair my grandfather made for me. I’ve had it since I was a kid and I love it not only for sentimental reasons, but also because it’s so comfortable with it’s giant arms.
Originally it was pink, a dusty pink, girlish fabric I didn’t choose. As a teenager I made the unfortunate request for him to reupholster it with leopard fabric and it’s been that way ever since. Partially because of this fabric choice and partially because of it’s size the chair has been banished from our apartment for most of the time we’ve lived here. A few months ago, I reclaimed it from my mother who had been keeping it for me.
I was determined to make the chair fit in our space and as soon as it was home, I started pulling and peeling away fabric, surprised that the pink was still hidden underneath. I was ecstatic, hoping I could just return it to it’s former glory by removing the leopard. The pink was actually quite nice, though faded it had a circular pattern I quite liked.
I cut and I tore and removed as much leopard as I could, only to discover that only about half of the pink fabric remained. So I was stuck. Then the chair just sat like this for months. Occasionally covered with other fabrics to disguise it’s Frankenstein appearance. I was too intimidated to reupholster it and all the slipcovers we found were atrocious.
But finally, nearly six months later, I bit the bullet and made my own slipcover. I had some “help” from little Weetzie. I made a pattern from sheets, pinned and basted all my pieces together and sewed the whole thing up.
It’s almost like a whole new chair! I’ll admit it’s still a little frumpy, but it’s a vast improvement from being covered with a sheet or in it’s torn up state. When I finally chose a fabric, there wasn’t enough yardage to make a cushion so that was sort of a drag. At least now it looks complete and blends in with our apartment. Mostly I’m just happy I tackled and finished a project that has been on my to do list for months and months. Now if only I would repaint our mantle…
Also, if you haven’t already, please vote for Doctor Meow! Just click that link and “like” the video. Thanks!
Doctor Meow
Doctor Meow – Fantastic Fest Bumper Submission from Jenn Murphy on Vimeo.
As promised, here is the video Jenn and I made for the Fantastic Fest bumper contest. I hope you enjoy it.
In case you aren’t familiar with Fantastic Fest, or the bumper contest, let me give you a little bit of background. Fantastic Fest is a film festival in Austin, Texas that focuses on genre films like horror, sci-fi, action and fantasy, in other words, some of my favorite kinds of films. Before each film, they show bumpers made by fans. This year, the theme for the contest was Time Travel is Fantastic, plus each bumper has to end with “That’s Fantastic.” The bumpers are notoriously pretty crazy, but if you win, you get two VIP Badges for the festival in 2013.
It would be amazing if you would vote for our bumper. All you have to do is click that link, and then “like” our video. If we get enough votes, we’ll make it to the finalist round. As a side note, there is a very small percentage of the bumpers made by women, so even if you aren’t a fan of our bumper you’ll vote, just as a vote for the ladies. Or maybe you’ll just vote for Meeme and Mochi because they’re the cutest?
