My goodness it’s August and I haven’t posted a thing. I don’t really have a reason for that. It’s just so. Was feeling a little guilty about it though so I thought I should pop in and say something. There’s been lots swirling in my mind lately and maybe it would be best to write it down. Perhaps.
Things are good, you know? I just seem to be tumbling through time and living life with not much to report. No big announcements. And while Shawn and I have been doing a lot of fun stuff (checking out the new Mohawk Bend, going to an amazing all night movie marathon, having Seabirds at Verdugo Bar) I just haven’t felt like writing about any of it. I haven’t really felt like writing about anything.
Mostly I just feel like sitting on my couch and reading. I just joined Good Reads and though I’m just starting to add books, feel free to add me, as I can always use book recommendations.
I pulled a muscle in my back/shoulder a few weeks ago and then decided to go to my aerial class anyway and ended up hurting it much worse. It’s been weighing on me as even now, it hurts nearly all the time. I’m afraid it won’t be healed enough for my last class in two weeks when I’m supposed to perform. This saddens me greatly.
On the other hand, some major personal accomplishments have happened in the past two weeks. For one, Shawn and I cleared out a storage unit we’ve had since we moved in together years ago. It feels so good to be rid of it, as if somehow a leash has been untied from us. Not to mention I’ve made a major dent in some of my personal debt. Such relief. I can’t wait till it’s completely gone and the weight of financing a movie and going on a too expensive honeymoon are washed away.
As I’m writing this, I am realizing that this blog is 4 years old this month. Though I barely posted a thing that first year, so let’s say it’s 3 years old in earnest. Pretty crazy. I’ve been thinking a lot about where I want to go with this blog. It is one of my true loves. At the same time it needs a little more direction and attention than I’ve been giving it as of late. Frankly, for the past year I’ve been using the blog as a way to put off other projects. Blogging can be so instantly rewarding whereas other creative endeavors take a great deal more work and the gratification can come much much later if at all.
So that’s part of what this post is, seeing where I want to go, with this blog and my life in general. It is not easy to push yourself that extra mile to make the things you want happen, and despite reminder after reminder that I have to do exactly that, here I am, nearly in the same place I’ve been for awhile now. Except now I’m married, which is the coolest. There is that.
Here is what I know. I like security and routine; therefore, I worry a lot. I need to let go of that. I need to stop letting myself get so caught up in the details of life, quiet my brain and let my creativity be free again. I busy my thoughts with with distraction (is the kitchen clean? when can i fit in this appointment?) and need to sweep out these cobwebs and put other things in the front of my list instead of trivial bits of time consumption. I need to lose control a little.
I need to trust in myself. It is easy to let self doubt poison the good things you do. It can tinge things that are perfectly fine a strange shade of worthless. I can only be myself. I am only capable of my best, which is pretty damn good. Best not agonize over whether things are “right” or not. They are or they aren’t and that’s that.
I’ve been struggling with what direction I want to put my energy towards. Eternally indecisive. The truth is I know what I want and I have always known. It has just never been clear how to get there (or where exactly there is). I have to remind myself that everything is gradual and life can give me what I want if I just ask for it.
It’s too hard to think about a plan for the future in the long term for me. It makes me anxious. At some point I think it won’t. For right now I have a plan that lasts a few months, enough to give me loose guidelines and goals but without too much pressure.
Would you like to hear the plan?
My plan is to celebrate Halloween.
That means October is off limits. That means I can fill that time with any costume making, treat baking and movie marathons I want. It means magical rejuvenation and exhaustion all rolled into one. It means no extra-curricular work. It means I have to finish some writing projects by the end of September. I means I have the rest of this month and a bit more to figure out an implement a plan to make it possible for people to see Brainwashed Love. It means a lot. And I’m excited.
There’s nothing like getting totally lost in a book. I have a little bit of a book problem, in which I want to compulsively buy books. I refrain mostly, but it’s my one shopping weakness. Some people like shoes or dvds. I like books.
It’s been less of a problem since I got my kindle, since I will only purchase a new book when I finish the one I’m currently reading. I take the darn thing with me everywhere. Best part, no more filling up space on my bookshelves, which are stacked double deep.
Except for cookbooks. I still have that problem.
I just finished Blackbird House by Alice Hoffman. I love her. I want to live in her books. So magical and tragic and wonderful. I need to pick the next one of hers to read.
I also bought Prometheus Rising as I lost my original copy. It’s a little wacky, but I can totally get behind some of the concepts. I’m finally making Shawn read it.
So what books are you loving right now? I’m always looking for recommendations.
Well my dears, I hope you had a lovely holiday weekend. We did a lot of relaxing and still managed to accomplish quite a bit. We finally took care of a few things around our apartment that have been begging to get sorted (I have shelves in my closet!). We snagged the perfect dresser set from a local thrift store. I knew the Jewish Women’s Council would come through for us, and boy did they ever. We found two dressers and a matching bed side table for just over $100. They need a few paint touch ups but are otherwise in perfect condition and have already made our bedroom way more cozy. I’ll be able to give a little tour on the blog very soon.
Which brings me to the video above, we made a time lapse of the painting process in our living room and dining room. As you can see, we had a lot of help, and it still took us two days. Luckily the video is short and sweet. Have I mentioned how much I love our apartment? It’s just perfect for us and I feel so lucky to live here. Oh, and if you’re reading this in a feed, jump out to watch the video.
When I was younger, at the end of every vacation, I would make a list of all the things I accomplished. I will spare you every detail, but there was so much fun packed in to the last few days. Hiking, bike riding, Tim Burton, Tour de France, knitting, reading, movie watching, BBQing, swimming and of course, kitty snuggling.
I took a break from twitter and the web in general over the weekend and it definitely illuminated some things for me. I realize that I do spend probably more time online than I should and it’s important for me to conserve my mental energy for creative endeavors. While the web can be inspiring, it can also be numbing in some ways. That being said, I do really enjoy chatting with people on twitter and seeing what people are sharing, so I’m not about to quit, I just don’t need to keep up with it 24 hours a day.
And I couldn’t leave without sharing the last piece of our Fourth of July cake, since it’s so darn patriotic. Patriotic and delicious.
I thought I’d post some of the instagram photos I’d taken over the past few weeks in honor of the fact that I now have my own camera to use, and won’t have to rely on my phone (which is about to bite the dust anyway) or borrowing Shawn’s camera for quick snapshots. Not to mention, they’re fun and show what I’ve been up to recently. (more…)
This weekend is the big moving weekend. Yikes! We’ve begun the process of bringing things into our new home but there are still a lot of big pieces of furniture (some of which need to be disassembled) that need to make the trek. I foresee lots of heavy lifting.
We somehow volunteered to have Easter brunch at our place, which is pretty funny because we don’t even have a dining room table yet. The search continues! On the other hand we have some spring appropriate decorations for the occasion. Shawn and I have already been brainstorming a menu, so despite the deadline pressure I’m very excited to be cooking up some quiches. Bagels maybe? How about these vegan deviled eggs? Oh and candy, definitely candy.
I feel the need to put a lot of care into the design of our new space, and not bring unwanted items into it, but I’m trying to realize it won’t all happen right away. Slowly but surely. The bookcases I bought in college will probably still be in my kitchen holding appliances. My leopard print chair will still be in our living room but perhaps with a slipcover.* There will still be big ikea presence. Oh well.
We’re also taking the time to really make everything nice, even though it’s a rented apartment. Which means restoring old door knobs and lots of little fixes. I’m happy to do it and am even enjoying the process. I’ll definitely be sharing some of our upgrades and the decorating here in the future.
I have a huge laundry list of stuff to take care of this weekend that includes really boring things like buying a paper towel holder. How come paper towel holders are so ugly? Why do all the inexpensive ones look so phallic? Why do I even need a paper towel holder? When did I become so boring?
Other exciting news: We’re getting our wedding photos! Like today according to the famously reliable United States Postal Service. So get ready. I’ll be sharing them over the next few weeks. (Monday even? Maybe!)
Also, I’ve decided on a new blog feature that I’m going to start incorporating in the near future. I’m very excited to share another passion of mine that gets a little left out here on Cute & Delicious oddly enough. Plus some site design changes.
Besides moving, there are lots of exciting things to do this weekend. Can’t wait to get some fancy cupcakes and beer at the vegan drinks cupcake party. We also have tickets to a movie I’m fond of, with a director Q&A which is always a bonus. Hooray! Weekend!
* I love this leopard print chair. It’s terribly comfortable and made for me by my grandfather. I just made the unfortunate choice as a teenager to have it covered in leopard print velvet. Alas. To make things worse, it was originally covered in a modern, dusty pink fabric. Oh if I could only turn back time.