falling fast

Weeks ago I had grand plans for Halloween decorations. I thought it was high time we put some of our strange medical props to use and make our place into a creepy mad science lab. But of course, I got too distracted chasing Endeavour around town this weekend to really get things together. We’ll see what kind of magic I can pull of, but for now I’ve just tackled a couple little projects.

I found the pumpkin and candy corn fabric weeks ago and sewed it into a festive table cloth. It works well since we have a lot of pumpkins around. Since my zombie dishcloth has seen better days, I stitched up a brand new werewolf towel. Had I remembered my science lab theme, I would have made a heart or some organs, but in the end I like the werewolf quite a bit.

For the authentic touch, I have this little squirrel skull that we found on a trail. It’s my first time cleaning a skull and it is wonderful how much nature can do on it’s own (thank you ants and bacteria). I have a few larger bird bones but they’re still a little too fleshy and gross to bring inside and I don’t think my neighbors would appreciate me cleaning them in our common areas.

It feels like October is nearly gone already and we’ve only had a single cool day. I wish time would slow down a bit more. Everything feels like it is flying by at lightning speed and I don’t want to miss it.

flesh

This past week I came across this beautiful lace tattoo by Watson Atkinson and sort of fell in love with the idea. I don’t often get tattoo ideas, even though I’m really attracted to the artistry of tattoos. When I do have an idea, I just sort of sit on it for years until I figure it out, decide if it really make sense for me. Other ideas floating around in my brain besides this one: a bright, colorful jellyfish and the Twin Peaks the log lady has.

There’s something about the lace that just makes sense to me though for reasons that are not easy to explain. Something about turning blemishes into design. I know white tattoos don’t stay so clear and I’m fine with that. I actually like how my tattoos have faded over time, which is weird I guess.

This tattoo would definitely be a big step though, as I would want it on my forearm. Despite having nearly my entire back tattooed, it’s easy to cover with just a tee shirt. Since I was young I have thought of my skin as a canvas, but in some way I feel like tattoos as for myself and not necessarily for display.

Anyway, no real plans at the moment (don’t worry mom & dad!). Like I said, I’ll probably just ponder this for awhile.

Responsibility

It feels like as you get older the things you must be responsible for multiplies. There are things things that have to be done, bills to be paid, errands to be run. Little things that have to be done, big daunting things that have to be taken care of. But beyond that, there’s things you choose to be responsible for, things beyond yourself.

A long time ago, I remember coming home from school, I was probably thirteen years old, and our dog didn’t come running for the door like usual. I went out to the back yard to look for her and found my Jack Russell and my cat circled around an injured crow. They weren’t trying to kill it, just sort of taunting the thing. I chased them off, snatched up the crow in a towel and with no one there to help me, I just started running. I was already crying at this point, clutching this bird to my chest. I ran to the nearest vet, then to a pet store, neither of which would help me, this little girl with a bird. I didn’t even know what was wrong with the bird, just that it couldn’t fly away so there must be something. With no other options, I trudged home, and put the crow in a gated part of the yard where at least the dog and cat couldn’t get to it. And that was it. That was all I could do. Later I went to check on the crow and it was gone, well enough to fly off somehow. So many times after that I would go in the backyard and hear a chorus of cawing, and would always think that the crows recognized me and were glad I could help. A childish thought, but maybe not so off target as it is now known crows recognize faces and remember those who have done them wrong or helped them.

It’s hard now, as an adult, choosing how much responsibility to take on personally. Finding homes for the kittens was indeed an ordeal, one that I’m really glad I took on. I find myself wanting to do more but not entirely sure how. How much can one person do? I guess you can just do your best.

the truth

This past summer has been very strange for me. I’ve been trying to reassess what is important and what I want out of life. It’s not very easy. I’m easily distracted by everyday worries. I’m a big worrier. But something about having life settled in most respects has left other avenues more open. I’ve been trying to figure it all out: who I am, who I want to be, all those monstrous life questions.

Somewhere in that process, this blog has fallen to the side in a way. It’s not that I don’t still love it, because I absolutely do. Really, it is so much a part of me that all these unanswered questions about myself sort of lead to unanswered questions about what goes on the blog. I haven’t been interested in taking photos or cooking things. I’ve been creating things for sure but sometimes feel like they are not exciting enough to share. More than that, I’ve just been thinking a lot and these little projects don’t always get at what’s in my head at all and then, unintentionally, I feel sort of like I’m misrepresenting myself, even though that’s not really it either.

Part of me wants to get more to the point, be more open, but then things get a little too journally. Maybe that’s not a bad thing. The other part of the equation is that I’m really bad at communicating in real life. I’ve probably said this before. The great thing about blogging is that it is a pretty good way for me to bridge the gap between the world and myself. I feel comfortable behind my screen putting things out there and I’ve definitely built friendships from blogging. The bad thing, is that it’s pretty good for me to put thing out there on the web, but maybe not as great for connecting to people in real life. It lets me off the hook a little bit because I get to say how I feel, sort of, to no one in particular. It’s more abstract. It’s not confiding exactly. It’s impersonal. I really want to make an effort to connect with people I care about in a meaningful way as well as work on my own issues with introversion, and blogging lets me avoid doing this.

So I’m not really sure where things will go from here. Nothing is ending, or drastically changing, perhaps just evolving a little. I hope maybe to foster a little more dialogue here about things which probably means more words. I’ll still be making things because I love to make things and there will still be lots of cat photos because I’m still obsessed with them. Probably you won’t even notice a difference, but something is brewing.

Take Backs

TAKE BACKS from Shawn Bannon on Vimeo.

I debated whether or not to post TAKE BACKS here, mainly because it’s a little more controversial and violent than what usually goes up on Cute and Delicious. Also, maybe you guys are sick of Fantastic Fest bumpers. In the end though, I’m really proud to have been a part of this video and hope you’ll watch it. It is directed by Shawn and written by the infamous FILM CRIT HULK. It features Noah Segan, Suki-Rose Etter and myself (with appearances by Kyle Bannon and Scott Green). I hope you’ll watch it despite my disclaimer.

Exciting news though, Doctor Meow received enough votes to be a semifinalist. That means DOCTOR MEOW will be playing at the Fantastic Fest awards ceremony! We’re so very excited and most certainly couldn’t have done it without your votes. Thank you!

p.s. What do you think of my new look? (Ok, it’s not really my new look but I sort of wish it was.)