Ponderings on perfection

Dear friends, we’re in the home stretch for the wedding. Only 5 weeks remain until the big day. With everything so close upon us, I’ve become a bit introspective on the whole thing. So friends, settle in for maybe a bit more reading than usual in this post, but surely on topics beyond just a wedding.

Between Shawn and I, we know how to do a lot of things. We’re makers, so to speak. He knows tons about photography. I know about sewing and crafting and baking. We’re both planners. We know what it takes to get something done. So when entering the world of wedding planning, this knowledge, for me in particular, has often been something I’ve had to reconcile with, rather than being helpful.

How do you choose a photographer when you yourself take better photos than most of the “professionals” out there? How do you order a wedding cake when you bake a better vegan cake than you could buy? It’s tricky these questions, because obviously you can’t do everything.

Personally, I like to do things myself. I take issue with paying for something I’m capable of, unless I know someone will do it better than I will. Even more than that, I have a hard time letting others do things for me, even if I’m not paying, for fear it won’t be exactly what I want. Face it, I’m a little bit of a control freak. It is the downfall of knowing how to do things. You expect perfection.

The wedding process has been a lot about letting go for me. Letting go of control. It’s not easy. It’s against my personality. I think this is what happens with big life events though and I really feel it’s for the better. That’s not to say it hasn’t been a struggle.

It’s also, in my mind, been about merging my wishes and desires with Shawn’s. Even being in a committed relationship, two people are still somewhat separate in decision making. There is this strange place where you are not compromising on things but actually agreeing, and it’s odd but wonderful. This is the first task where we’ve had to really agree on everything.  I think we had a similar experience when making Brainwashed Love, but our differences worked to keep the movie on course.

I think if I designed the whole affair, it would be some sort of small soiree in the woods. (You should see this wedding, which I’m sure is the most fantastic wedding I’ve ever seen.) Instead our wedding is indoors, and will be fairly large (by my standards anyway). I’m happy about this too. Our secret location is really the coolest and I’m excited that we’ll get to celebrate with so many people that love us. I’m glad we’ll be bringing our families together from across the country.

Most of these thoughts have come up for me since I now have my finished dress. The truth is, that there are a few little things that bother me about it. I can’t quite figure out if I’m just being obsessive or if it is a real flaw. Am I aiming for perfection when it’s just a dress? Is it something I can fix or should I just leave it alone?

There is still so much to do and I have a number of tasks that I’m responsible for, but I’m leaving a few major things in the hands of others. I’m trying to let things happen how they will. I haven’t thought about flowers or decorations or much of that sort of thing at all, nor will I unless someone asks me. I’m hoping all the things I’m not taking care of work out, as they should, without me managing every detail. And say they shouldn’t, I’m trying to prepare myself to be ok with this.

I’m not trying to ignore the details or not worry about the whole event, instead I’m just trying to face the reality of it all.

*a note about the photos. these are from a trip shawn and i took to pennsylvania in 2008. they make me happy as the woods do. they are a reminder of calmness for me. and the owl’s name is morris.

Snow Day

You may recall, last week I was fantasizing about having a snowy adventure. Well, despite living in Los Angeles, we made it happen. We drove up to nearby Mt. Baldy to go play in the snow for the day.

The crew threw on all their warm gear, loaded up in our cars and drove up the mountain…to snow!

Even though I read the weather before hand, it still seems so unbelievable that there could be snow so close to where we live. It wasn’t until we were nearly at the top of the mountain that things became dusted and then covered in white.

We took the scenic ski lift all the way to the top. I have to admit, it did make me a little nervous.

This was right before Shawn realized I didn’t have a strap on my camera (right after I leaned over the side with it in my hands to take a photo of a squirrel).

At the top, we were above the clouds. They turned into a sea of white.

It was so much fun. It made me want to rent a cabin, snuggle up by a fire at night and build snowman in the day. I want to go sledding.

I’m so happy we were able to make the trip, even though it was brief, as it really made it feel like real winter.

Apartment Therapy

In the past week we’ve done a bit of rearranging in our apartment. I’m rather pleased about it. It helps make our place feel more spacious and practical.

You may remember sort of what our dining / kitchen area looked like before. We had added the cabinet as an extra prep area but it was often cluttered, and always played home to my mixer.

It’s now found a new spot right under the window. I’m especially excited about actually getting to use some natural light in some of my photos (hopefully at some point, as if I’m ever able to take photos any other time than late at night).

The space is much more open and I love that it features our china cabinet. We have lovely heirloom china from Shawn’s mom and I can’t wait to display it even more prominently. It’s so beautiful.

Not to mention our china cabinet itself is pretty awesome. We actually found it on the street and salvaged it. With some cleaning and paint, it was exactly what we wanted.

We’ve also moved our kitchen table to a more central position in our living room. This is great because it allows for more seating, whereas before it was against the wall and could only seat 3. We added a big bench on one side which definitely draws guests into sitting at the table.

Since the table doubles as a work space for me, the move is also great since I can now be in the living room when I’m crafting or sewing. No longer shall I be cast out when working on projects. Equally awesome is that I can now watch movies while I work. Sweet!

We got some new mounts for a couple of our bikes. I love how they look and they take up much less space on the wall than the way they were hung before.

We have a bed in our living room, even though we have a bedroom with a bed as well. It’s a little odd, but it always comes in handy for our sleepover movie parties or when visitors are staying with us (which happens fairly often). Now it is sectioned off a bit more by the couch so it doesn’t feel like you’re in a bedroom when you’re just hanging out.

The leopard couch will probably be going in storage for a little bit, but the cats are awfully fond of it (as am I) so we’ll see.

I’m so happy with how everything feels, just by making some simple changes. Hope you enjoyed the mini tour of our apartment. I realized while writing this that there aren’t many photos of it online.

Creamiest Tomato Soup with cashews

When the weather gets cold, I love a rich, creamy bowl of soup. Who doesn’t? It’s the best. My favorite is tomato soup, but I have to admit, I’m a little picky about it. I like my tomato soup thick and creamy. It shouldn’t have chunks and it shouldn’t be brothy.

I finally decided to try and make my own tomato soup, it seemed only logical. I was blown away by not only how easy it was to make but how amazingly flavorful it was. Since it is nearly as easy as heating up a can of soup, and about 10 thousand times better, I don’t think I’ll ever go back to eating pre-made soup again.

Creamy tomato soup approved by Shawn Bannon.

The key to making it so rich and creamy was cashews. I considered using some sort of soy creamer but knew it wouldn’t give it the right density or the subtle nuttiness.

I most definitely had seconds (and thirds). It was hearty enough to eat on it’s own, but since I ate it a few nights in a row, we also had some kale and roasted butternut squash to go along with it.

Creamy Tomato Soup

• 1/2 cup cashews
• 1/2 cup vegetable broth
• 2 Tbsp Earth Balance
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 2-4 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 28 oz can of whole peeled tomatoes
• 1/3 cup nutritional yeast
• salt & pepper to taste

In a food processor, blend together your cashews and vegetable broth until smooth. Pour into a separate container and set aside.

In a medium sauce pan, over medium heat, melt the Earth Balance. Add the onions and saute for about 2-3 minutes. As they begin to become fragrant, add in the garlic and saute until your onions are soft and translucent, stirring as not to burn. Add in your tomatoes, including any liquid in the can. Reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes.

Remove from heat and let cool for a few minutes before pouring into your food processor. Blend until combined and not chunky. Add in the nutritional yeast and pulse to combine. Add in the cashew mixture and blend until very smooth. Season with salt and pepper to your liking and pulse a few times.

It will be fairly thick, so if you like a less robust soup, add more vegetable broth.

Snowy dreams

I’ve been dreaming of snow. It’s been extra cold here in Southern California these past few weeks, but we don’t have that same winter feeling of snowy places. It was actually cold enough here to snow in areas not far from Los Angeles.

I looked back on our road trip last winter. Here are a few shots in snowy wonderland.

Look at this sweet bearded man. Beards are good for cold weather.

I’m hoping we’ll get to drive somewhere and see a bit of snow before it’s gone. Maybe I’m also just dreaming about anywhere else but Los Angeles as is often the case.

I can’t wait to go on another big adventure.